I'm a Survivor

Did you know that one of my life goals is to be a survivor?

Yeah, like survive life.

No no, I kid.

Like the Destiny Child kind?

I'm a survivor
I'm not gon give up
I'm not gon stop
I'm gon work harder
I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it 
I will survive
Keep on survivin'


Classy song I say.... And yet, still not the survivor type I mean.






I want to be a Survivor... like this kind



The outwit outplay and outlast kinda Survivor.

Twenty million seasons later and I still love it to death. Since college my viewership has decreased a bit, but I still consider myself a fan. A stick with it, love it forever, do anything to be on it kinda fan.

As a sociologist, it is the ideal human environment to figure out. Because there is simply no way to figure it out. Oh I would love it, just thinking about it makes me want to try it.

And the whole physical aspect of it?! I think that is what sells me the most. How cool to make your body do all these crazy things it could never do otherwise??

I will get on that show...a girl can dream right?

Coolest part of this season though, a BYU professor was on it! Another cool part? She has a blog!! Check it out here if you're a die hard fan like me. I have always wanted to know the inside scoop, and this may be about as inside as I get.


Yep one day it'll be me. I will be wearing the buff, meeting Jeff Probst (he's by far my favorite host of ANY show ever), eating coconut and rice, and workin my tail of to win a million dollars. Hold out for me Jeff, i'm coming!

Build it Anyway

Now that I have caught up with Vampire Diaries, I needed something else to occupy my time.

Don't get me wrong, it didn't replace my vampire loves by any means. Nor am I comparing them in any way... cause that would just be weird. But me and the roomies have got quite the kick out of this video.





Not only has it sparked constant baby talk among all four of us, it may have brought out the kid in us all the way through.

I mean we can't help it, it's a natural habitat.

Hence our Saturday night activity...

See that?

Yeah...the most awesome fort i've ever built. And that's sayin a lot because we are much bigger than our former fort building days. With a combination of all of our blankets, school books, ingenuity, and childlike minds, we made one awesome fort if I do say so myself. It's like the mother-load look at it, it's stacked in a shape like this...i can't quite make it out...

So now that the fort has been made, I guess it is time to buckle down and get my study on. Goooooo finals!

ps. just in case you were wondering. It wasn't really a star, it's just really two angels sticking their arms and legs out. And Santa is NOT a biker.

Oh man I love it.

Starstruck

Someone think of 5 good things about group projects?

Cause I can't think of one. Not even ONE. You have until the end of this post to think of them.

In order to get myself out of the rage I was feeling toward both my groups I met with today, on my walk home I tried to think of 5 good things about group projects. Well we all know where I ended up, home, hungry, and not one good thing about em.

So here I sit trying to think about the good in BYU students and pretty much humanity as a whole. They have let me down you see, they have let me down real bad. We don't even talk about boy drama in our apartment anymore, we just talk about group project drama! If you want to get us started, that is the topic of choice these days.

Yeah yeah, this all sounds pretty dramatic. CAUSE IT IS! But ask me tomorrow, one presentation will be done and life will start lookin up.

Have you thought of 5 yet?

Didn't think so...

On a happier note.

I just found a star shaped fruit snack in my tree top bag. And all you tree top lovers out there know that stars do NOT belong in the tree top bag. What does this mean? Well according to Sarah J I am the most special girl today. Yep, I am, my fruit snack tells me so.

Also a happier note,



Let's be honest, can't get much happier than that. The Ugandan children have already stolen my heart.

Today I Don't Feel Like Doing Anything

There is a time in every girls life when she becomes a junior in college.

Senioritis sets in all too early with three semesters of undergrad and two semesters of masters school to go

the end is in sight....a far off sight, but sight nonetheless.

It is a time full of procrastination, time wasters, and do pretty much anything, except for anything productive.

And that leads me to Vampire Diaries.

Judge me, or don't. I leave that decision up to you.

Let's run some stats though

16 days
2 seasons
44 episodes
approximately 42 minutes each
thus 1848 minutes

of pure vampire/werewolf/witch goodness.

Yeah, it happened.

The last 16 days of my life have been devoted to Elena Stefan and Damon. If you don't know who they are then you are obviously missing out on the greatest show ever**.

So now, I guess is the time to approach the other part of junior year. When aforementioned girl realizes the grading and homework that needs to get done, and the finals that are quickly approaching.

To my mystical friends I say farewell (until I get access to the third season....) and thanks for giving me a great excuse not to be productive.

Gotta love junior year I say.


** slight if not major exaggeration. EXCEPT. it is pretty darn good if you can handle the craziness that comes along with such mystical creature people things

I got the magic in me

Once a year, every year, ABC Family plays all of the Harry Potter movies. What a week that is, a magical week indeed.

As I sat watching the first one with my roommates we got on the topic of who would be good at what course at Hogwarts. Megan determined that I would be good at flying, well because of course I would be a quidditch chaser. It may be my biggest dream in life actually.

But then I got thinkin...Muggle Studies...muggle studies?....sounds a lot like Sociology to me!



Muggles=humans
sociology=study of humans

therefore
sociology=study of muggles
sociology=muggle studies

genius, pure genius I tell you.


And thus we see. No longer am I a Sociology major. I am a muggle studies major. Don't be too jealous, its real.

So don't be alarmed when they change the name sociology to muggle studies. It is bound to happen if I have anything to say about it. And I indeed have a lot to say about it. I am big in the sociology land these days...

I'm going to make a brighter place with my own two hands

The decision has been made. I officially know where i'll be spending May-August 2012. The decision was much quicker then I thought it would be. But I guess, when ya know, ya know!

Drum roll please...

They have elephants



They have bikes


They have children



They have traffic



They have beautiful people



I'll help narrow it a bit






And soon...they will have ME!!!

UGANDA!!!!


Check out the organization I'll be working for here. It is called Safe Mothers, Safe Babies and it seems amazing!! I pretty much start working for it right now. They are going to need a lot of help. Ahh I am so excited. Now the trouble will be focusing until May....oh man luckily there are a whole lot of things that must get done before then.

Africa?! Ahhhh!!!

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere

Guess what, guess what!!!!!

I WAS ACCEPTED!!!

That means I am going to

Africa or Peru  or Fiji or Ukraine or Belize or Tanzania or anywhere in the entire world.

That also means I've got a lot of research to do between now and November 18th to pick where in the world I want to go. As excited as I am, I am definitely equal parts nervous. Maybe even more nervous... I guess Thailand was such a success I have such high expectations. Or maybe I remember how hard it was transitioning back to home life and dread doing that again. But then I remember how excited I am, and how I can't wait to work so so hard for this mysterious organization that will soon be chosen. And I remember how lucky I am to have this opportunity.

Yep, just think. In about 6 months this blog will be interesting again. As I tackle another country, another nonprofit, and a whole new adventure in the great wide somewhere.

I won't be just another mistake

I don't really talk about movies all that much on this whole blog thing.

If I remember correctly I have talked about two, Hook and Eat, Pray, Love. Both of which star Julia Roberts. So it seems only fitting that the third movie I choose to talk about stars her too.

Mona Lisa Smile. Ever seen it? Julia Roberts is an Art History teacher at an all girls college and she has struggles, it gets a little scandalous (heads up), and it ends in an uplifting, fulfilling way. That is a horrible synopsis, but that is hardly the point of this whole thing. I'll get to that. Right now in fact.

One of the students says this:

"I know I have made mistakes, a ton. But I never make them twice."


Ever since hearing that I can't stop thinking about it. Because I know I have made mistakes, a ton. But I never make them twice. Okay, maybe sometimes I make them twice, maybe even hundreds of times. But that is not the point either. The point is, everyone makes mistakes. But it is not the mistake that defines us, it is where we choose to go after them that makes us who we are. How we choose to grow and what we choose to change as a result makes us the person we are.

There are a lot of things that define me, but my mistakes will never be one of them.

I don't know why it is so hard to forgive others, and probably ten times harder to forgive myself. But it's just one of those things you've gotta do, one of those things i've gotta do. Life is hard, so why would I choose to make it harder on myself or on others? Everyone makes mistakes, Miley Cyrus even sings so. In fact we all make a ton of mistakes. But that is not who we are.

We are not the lie we told.
We are not the gossip we spread.
We are not the source of hurt we caused someone.

As easy as it is to feel as such, we are not that. We are not defined by the mistakes we make. I think that is something I have to remind myself, probably more at this point of my life than ever. The second I define my worth by the amount of mistakes I make, well that is the second that I have sold my soul for 50 cents max.

Luckily I know better. I know that my mistakes are what make me better. Through learning and growing and accomplishing and achieving and apologizing and moving on, that is what defines me. The place I decide to go, well that is what gets me one step closer to where I want to be in the end.

I guess now is the time I step off my soap box and start following my own advice. It's just one of those things that is easier written than done. But i'm working on it. And I know the second I master it, well i'll probably be dead. But until then i'm going to try my very hardest to work it out. Because it may well be the difference between happiness, and well, not happiness.

The Show Goes On

Staying up until one in the morning
Not training more then eight miles
Eating dozens of cookies
Halloween party
Dehydration...

Not the best day before running conditions.

But the show must go on, and indeed it did.

The show went on, my legs held up, and I did it. Woohoo. It was slow, it was painful, but now it is done. And for that I am stoked on life. I am amazed that people run double that, triple that, almost NINE TIMES THAT. Those crazy people.

I've heard it said, it is just a HALF marathon, it's not like its a marathon or anything. And to that I say...

You're observant. It is in fact NOT a marathon. But to that I also say... you get up and run thirteen miles!

So it may be just a half marathon. But I can't help but feel some bit of accomplishment. And I can't help but feel extreme gratitude for the girls that single handedly got me through mile 10. You all da best!! Nothing more motivating then girls you love waiting for hours in the freezing cold just to scream your name for the few seconds you run by. Gotta love em, and boy do I!

So training or no, cold weather or warm, the show goes on. And conveniently this was the song that played on repeat for miles 11 and 12 when I thought I was going to DIE! Hey thanks Lupe!

Top of the World Lookin Down on Creation

I had an interview for PEAT today. What is that?

Well...


PEAT Film from Peter Carroll on Vimeo.

So I want to do that this summer.

Timeline
Oct. 26: Interview
Two weeks laterish: Find out if I am accepted (cross your fingers!)
January-April: Pick my organization and put together an evaluation plan. When I pick my organization, that in turn picks the country I go to
May: Head out for another summer abroad. Like Thailand, but not really. I have a feeling this adventure would make Thailand look like an easy peasy vacation...

It is an incredible opportunity. It lets me put my new skills in sociology, nonprofit management, and international development to work in the most literal and perfect sense. I would live, eat, and breathe the organization I choose for an entire three months to assess their productivity and make them better. What better cause could I ask for?

So I find out in two or so weeks if I am chosen to go. It is a lot harder process because they have great funding options, they have to put a lot into the evaluators that they send out so they are a little more picky. It is a new program but it is quickly getting competitive. Like I said, cross your fingers for me will ya?

Second to "will I get accepted?" my mind can't stop thinking, "where in the world will I go??" Literally WHERE IN THE WORLD. The ENTIRE WORLD. The options are pretty endless. Here are just a few. What would your pick be??

Belize


Fiji


India


Tanzania


Uganda


Ukraine


Jordan



Peru



Luckily I just pick the organization I'll fit best with because I don't think I could EVER make a decision between countries. We live in one beautiful world don't we?!

Please tell me what is takin' place? 'Cos I can't seem to find a trace

Have you ever gone through a day on auto-pilot?

When you happen to get everywhere you needed to go but have almost NO recollection of actually getting there?

I know today happened, cause well duh, it had to of happened. Unless i'm dreaming? Also likely.

But seriously, I don't know where the day has gone and what has happened.

Like my days memories are under water or something? Weird? Yeah this all sounds weird as I write it out, but I mean it! Like I walked around campus in a daze or something.

All sounds a bit creepy to me.

Guess it's just going to be one of those weeks... Happy Halloween?

YO HOME SMELL YA LATER!

In one of my sociology classes this week my professor was talking about a new job opportunity arising in the field of sociology. I guess geneticists are getting caught up in the whole nature vs. nurture thing too. They realize that genes are spread but now they are turning to sociologists to determine if social factors influence what genes appear and what ones stay suppressed.

Talk about interesting right?? I'm game. I think I could study that for my whole life.

Anyway, that is not the reason for this post, it is just slightly relevant.

Genes are cool. I ended up with some good ones...and some not so good ones.

Sweating gene? Yeah got that one. If I was wondering whether I got that one, that question got answered in Thailand
Curly hair? I can once again thank my Dad for that one. And I can also thank my siblings for NOT taking their fair share of the curly hair gene and somehow making me end up with ALL of it.
Love of board games? Is that a gene? Probably not, but just in case...I got that one too.
Creativity? Umm not so much.

When people ask me if I got the creative gene like my mom my usual response is, "No, my sister took it all." It's a fact. People come in our apartment at school and ask who the creative master mind is behind it. My mom and sister. They see the store and don't even have to ask who put everything together. My mom and sister. I'm just lucky I get to benefit from all their creativity.

But this week I was nominated to rewrite the lyrics to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song. Because my teacher works for the Boy Scouts and we know what Boy Scouts like...skits.



My creative genes had to be pulled from the depths of the darkest pit they seem to reside in.

because :
a) that rap is dang fast at parts. Fast speaking is definitely not one of my genes (my roommate Meg took all of that one...)
b) the Fresh Prince has NOTHING to do with Cash
c) I can't rhyme. Unless it is not on purpose. And even then... I just can't rhyme
d) I am simply put, not creative. Not one bit. For FHE this week we did some psychoanalysis thing where you imagine various things you are told then you find out what that describes about you. We were told to imagine some vegetation in a desert. My vegetation included ONE TREE in the entire desert. I later found out that the vegetation represented our creativity.

I rest my case. My creativity is one tree in a vast, limitless desert. Yep. Fact. Psychoanalysis says so.


Anyway. long story short, 40 times Fresh Prince intro rap on repeat, and one hour later. VOILA! I did it.
I managed to fit my cash theme into the lyrics. And honestly, I'm mighty proud. It is a stretch, it is lame, but it is done. And I did it. One tree in a vast desert aint got nothin on my lyrics!!

Now I can let my creative genes rest in their deep dark caves until they need to be called out again. That'll be the day!

On another note....2nd blind date of the semester tomorrow. We all remember how I feel about blind dates right? Don't remember? Well here's the post for you...

And another note...I've got to dress like this on Wednesday. Um what?

Money don't get everything, it's true What it don't get, I can't use

Money.

Sometimes I wonder if my life is ruled by money. In fact, i'm past that now. Now I just wonder how much my life is ruled by money.

It's not like I really think about it all that much. In fact I probably don't think about it near enough.

The only reason I have concluded such a thing is that, well, everyone's lives are ruled by money.

Okay okay, I kid.

Peoples lives can be ruled by greater things such as love, the gospel, truth yada yada yada right?

Back to money.

The real reason I conclude this is because of one thing, running.

As stated in a previous post, I have run 2 half marathons before. (run should probably be replaced by quickly sauntered, or briskly trotted, or any combination of those words). And then I wrote about how I'm training for my third.

That was 5 weeks ago. So in theory I was implying that I would start training then. Ha! nope. Maybe one week after? Nope. Two? Nope. I started training, well never. NEVER?! What am I doing to myself.

I know the second I line up at the starting line I should just prepare for my jog/saunter/run/crawl trade off. Or maybe I should just jump on the slow people golf cart and save myself the misery. Let's see, usually at this point i've got at least 10 miles under my belt. Now I could probably run  4 without stopping... over half the time...

So what does this all mean? Well I don't really know. But what I think it means is that I am motivated by money? Or something?

Round one half marathon I paid for and trained, round two same story. Round three? nope, didn't pay for it. Therefore did not train? So is that where my whole motivation came from for the first ones? Due to my research background these days I can conclude that paying for the race is the only variation to account for the change in my training time spent.

Or in pure Engligh no dinero=no traino

Shoot.

That means i've got less then 2 weeks to either kick it into gear, and I mean SERIOUS gear. Or don't and see what happens on race day. I sadly (due to the last 5 weeks habits) think that the latter will happen.

Sorry Lisa, that just means i'm going to disgrace your name as I jog/saunter/run/crawl as you. I apologize ahead of time.

As for now I better go check if they have a sign up for the slow people golf cart... or go running ha! yeah right...

Do you remember when we first met?

First impressions, what a novel concept.

We can't exactly control what other people think about us when they first see us, well we sorta can I guess. My sociology classes tell me so.

We are in a never ending performance full of sets, scripts, costumes, and acts. We don't know when the curtain will close, or when the climax will hit. We just keep acting as the play is written right below our feet.

It makes ya think though, what are people's first impressions of me? There are some impressions I remember of other people, some that have made an impact. But on average, they were just that- average.

It would be pretty cool to be remembered the first time I met someone. But if i've learned anything in my 21 years of life it's that that usually doesn't happen with me. I'm the kind of person you have to get to know to realize that i'm worth getting to know. Sound complicated? Yeah, it kinda is. Especially in a college full of come and go friendships.

But so far it has worked out pretty well for me. It has given me relationships that I had to work for. It may be frustrating at first, but it all seems to work out in the end.

I'm trying to think about all the first impressions I had of other people today. Mighty impossible if ya ask me

There was definitely a flirt, always a flirt
A quiet one
A loud one
A sweet one
A perfect one, always seems to be a perfect one too

But the thing is, that first impression truly means nothing in the whole scheme of things. Maybe I passed by the future President (that is, if the the world would ever vote for a Mormon...), or a future Prophet, or maybe a person having the best or worst day of their life.

First impressions are important I guess, but they are just a speck into someones life, the life they choose to show to the world at that very second.

What a novel concept.

Softly then Boldly

Winning a flag football game is great
Finishing 4 midterms in two days is killer...but great
Waking up at 6 in the morning to run is...umm well i'm still trying to convince myself that it is great
Weekends are so, so great
Being surrounded by people that are awesome, probably greatest of all
Oh, Awful Waffle is pretty dang great too
My family, you know the drill, great
School, sometimes I beg to differ, but still has its days of greatness
The feeling of FINALLY doing my front handspring on the vault, oh baby so great
Service? Probably what makes everything so great

Yep, life is great sometimes.

Also great?

This song.
Listen to it, because it really is worth it.



Great right? Have you hit repeat yet? Cause you should.

I feel like my emotions have been all over the place these days. One day I love life, the next I want to board the next plane to anywhere other then here. But all in all, I've got it easy. I have all these great things to look forward to every day Yep, and It's pretty amazing that I have the capacity to serve and be served. Softly then Boldly. How about softly and boldly, both are great, necessary, and so important.

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.  ~Mother Teresa


How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.  ~Anne Frank


Act as if what you do makes a difference.  It does.  ~William James


I couldn't possibly put it any better.

If I Were A Boy

There aren't many times in life that I wish I were a boy.

In fact, I don't really ever remember wishing that.

Maybe except for the .2 seconds it takes them to get ready, if even. And the endless amounts of food they can eat that doesn't go straight to their hips. Ya know... the usual.

Boys are great and all, but I just don't wanna be one. Conveniently that isn't possible, so we're all winners here I feel.

Anyway. This semester, in one class I have found myself all Beyonce-ing and wishing I were a boy.

One word for ya. Gymnastics.

Something came over me last February when we were picking classes and somehow I ended up in gymnastics. If you laughed that means you know me well. I am not flexible or strong, which are pretty much the only important things when you try gymnastics for the first time in your 21st year of life. I wish I had a video of everyone's face when I say I'm taking gymnastics. Confusion, shock, fear, hilarity, becomes the whole array of emotions they go through. Much the same as mine.

But I tell you, I just wanna be a boy. They are strong. And I am jealous.

I come in for my class and mentally prep for the new things I will learn but WON'T be able to do. Then I look over and see the boys practicing who had the class before me. Back flips, cool tricks, like it's nothin! Then there is me who can't even lift herself up.

Lame I tell you

If I were a boy I would be good at gymnastics. I just know it.

C is for Cookie that's good enough for me

Wanna know what I like. cookie dough.

Straight up raw egg in all its glory.

"don't eat too much of that, you'll get sick"

Sick? Nah, 21 years and it hasn't fazed me yet.

It sure makes me wonder though, how come the uncooked goodness of cookie dough is better (in my own opinion) than the cookies it's intended to be? Could this be an analogy of life?

Could cookie dough symbolize the natural state we all begin in? The make-up less, tan-less, fashion less people that we are created as? The un-spiced up version, the one that is truly better than the warm, gooey, addition of makeup and hair spray?

I only write this now as I look at my frizzy hair. Most days I get home from campus and happen to pass a mirror in my apartment. My usual thought, woooow I don't remember looking like that when I left for school. Somehow the few hours I spend on campus manages to wipe off all of the little makeup I began with, frizz the hair, mess up the outfit, and leave me looking like a mess. Straight up mess.

I go to school looking like this:

And come home a few hours later looking like this:

No wonder all the guys I smile at throughout the day don't hesitate to look the other direction.

What is it though, magic I tell you. Black magic I think, cause it sure isn't the good kind. Okay maybe I just don't know how it happens. And okay... slight exaggeration. I never look like the top picture, the bottom is usually where I start and end up...

Anyway

I choose to compare myself to cookie dough. Why? Because I can. Why else? Because I like cookie dough.

Other people may not like it, they may think it's gross, but personally...I like it better. It is easier, more natural,  and all in all...more me.

So call it a stretch or not, I just made a life analogy to cookie dough. Why? Also because I can. Why else? Because i'm eating some right now and it's dang good.

There's Too Many Things That I Haven't Done Yet...

...Too many sunsets
I haven't seen
You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down
You would've thought by now
I'd have learned something


Change.


Gotta love it, gotta hate it, gotta accept it. 


Truly, there is no other way to look at it. Some change is easier to accept then others. And even pushed into life by those experiencing it. 


One such change was the marriage of my roommate Emmanuelle. It was beautiful, she is beautiful, now they are beautiful as they commit their lives to each other and to the temple covenants. This was a good change. A welcomed one. 

Another welcomed change is the new adventure for my brother and sister-in-law. They have the amazing opportunity to live in Honduras for the next year for his work. Check it out here if you'd like! They are living the extreme version of change. New home, new people, new culture, new adventure. It is hard to say goodbye, but luckily it's not a goodbye. It's just a see ya later. I'm pretty darn good at those these days. 


The journey they have coming their way is worth the hardship of saying goodbye. And boy was it hard. Family parties just won't be the same. But if I learned anything in Thailand it's that distance truly does make the heart grow fonder. If you want a quick way to learn what is really important in life, the people that truly matter, and the things in life that are just things, well leave your family and everything you know for an extended period of time. It gives perspective a chance to rush in. 


And boy does it rush. They will have some hard times, they will have even more good times, and I know it will make them change as a family. Yes, I guess we choose to count this as a welcomed change. I mean, it's only one year right??




Umm...a not so welcomed change. The closing of my mom's store. This is killing me to write because that means accepting it. They opened their home decor store when I was eight years old. I will never forget all of my memories that have come from Wood We Ever. Because honestly, that is just about all I remember from my childhood.
      
Practically living at the mall
Moving and opening endless amounts of boxes
Running around with Jenny in the new stores before they'd open them
Continually being amazed by my Mom and Dad's creativity and skill
Eating the mall food court on the floor of the stores
Rearranging displays to know that my mom would follow behind me and change it


The memories are endless. Wood We Ever is a part of who I am. It has shaped my childhood, and the first part of my adulthood. I have seen my parents go through lows and highs and work hard through it all. 2 hardest working people on this planet? My parents. Easy. No comparison. But now I guess is a time for change. A time to see where the future will take my family. I know we are being watched out for, although times may be hard, there is always a good change in the future. It's just surviving until then.

My parents created a beautiful thing together. They have created beautiful things and have spread them to the lucky people in Salt Lake. People always said they couldn't help but be happy in their store. My mom always chose to think that it was because of the cheery decor, but I know the truth. It was because she was a warm smile, good friend and a listening ear to anyone who entered their doors.


In one month those doors are closing. It is a closing of one chapter of my families life, but an opening to so much more. I just know it. 


There are 


Too Many Things That I Haven't Done Yet
Too many sunsets
I haven't seen 
You can't waste the day wishing it'd slow down
You would've thought by now
I'd have learned something


There are too many things my family hasn't done yet. Thirteen years with this store and now new adventures await. Whether this change is a welcomed one or not, it's hiding in the closet saying ready or not here I come. And to this we choose not to hide, but welcome it in. 

After All, We're Only Human

Studying Sociology has gotten me to look at people in a whole new way.

There is no such thing as a simple interaction.

Whether we know it or not, we are constantly managing the image we portray, while assessing the reaction of what we do from others. On top of that we are conforming to social norms while both losing and gaining our individuality. And that is just the surface stuff. It's all complicated if you ask me. Highly interesting, but complicated nonetheless.

I am currently writing a paper on Alfred Schutz who thinks that the "lifeworld" is the unproblematic ground for the emergence of all possible problems, the prerequisite for transforming any un-clarified situation into warranted ascertainability. It is the taken for granted backdrop within which all situations are measured and given meaning.


Well ultimately what he thinks can be applied to an elevator. You put people in an elevator and due to the preconceived social norms and protocol people know what to do. Now, what would you do if someone walked into an elevator and stared at you, or faced the back the whole time? It would either:


a) make you think that person is a weirdo
b) make you get out 4 floors too early because you a) think he is a weirdo
c) make you question their sense of direction or personal space and thus, a) he is a weirdo.


so all in all it just wouldn't fly. 


Well... I was supposed to do that, and maybe still will. We'll see how I feel in the morning. But thanks to my roommates we just role played that scenario on our rug. Well I failed, miserably. I ended up crying for a few seconds from laughing so hard. I guess weirdo just isn't my thing :)

But anyway, it's got me thinking, what would I do? Probably d) all the above.

Oh good ol sociology...

Set Fire to the Rain

sometimes I do dumb things to myself.

ya know, the occasional sleeping in late and running to class looking like a FOOL
forgetting dinner...that's just about as dumb as it gets in my book. food is gooooood
singing a song in my head to realize it's not just in my  head...
ya know, that kinda stuff

but now i've done something bad. real bad.

not once.
not twice.
this is my third time doing this to myself...

what is it you're wondering, or maybe not even wondering but will read anyway?

running another half marathon.

Running=rain   Hayley=fire
They are not compatible, don't like each other, and don't belong in the same sentence let alone the same situation. And where do we find them? yeah...

madness right? i STILL don't even like running. and i figure if two races hasn't made me like it yet, a third won't either. but it's all good i guess! the accomplished feeling is all worth it in the end....gotta keep reminding myself that one.

i only write this because for some reason, writing it holds me to it. if the ehm few people that read this blog know i'm going to run, then i guess i better do it huh? another reason i write this, well to procrastinate the run i need to go on of course. we're in for a long training i can already tell...

and to make this not so nice thing to myself even worse...the race is LESS THEN SEVEN WEEKS AWAY! i have usually "trained" (i swear what i do can't be called training, as shown by my not so good times...) for 12 weeks. and now i have almost half of that to do the same amount of running. yuck i tell you.

but one day, oh one day i'll like running. maybe. hopefully? no? fine, i'll accept it either way and get on my run.

wish me luck though. like really. i got this!

I get by with a little help from my friends

Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing. 
          Theodore Roosevelt


I've got a theory that if you give 100 percent all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end. 
          Larry Bird


For anything worth having one must pay the price; and the price is always work, patience, love, self-sacrifice - no paper currency, no promises to pay, but the gold of real service." 
          John Burroughs


I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. 
          Thomas Jefferson

Some people dream of success... while others wake up and work hard at it. 
         Author Unknown

           


Sometimes it feels like everything requires effort. nothing comes easy anymore. Oh wait, that's because it's true

the good dinner I want is trumped by the easy access pb&j
the power is turned off because we didn't put forth the effort to read the welcome sheet
the run I should go on falls short because I can't manage the effort of tying my running shoes
the relationships that should be easy never are

how come the best things in life are worth working hard for?

who decided that is how things need to be? I mean, i get it. I just don't necessarily like it all that much.

sometimes effort is just plain exhausting. i guess that's when you turn to the people that love you, like really love you and let your effort collapse for a bit. forget the effort of putting on a face and holding yourself together for just one second and rely on the love of others to keep you in one piece. I mean, that is what life is all about right? working hard but not doing it alone?

because ultimately, effort or not, we can't do it alone. I can't do it alone. but ya know what, we'll be okay. Everything will work out as it should. it may take all the effort in the world, a lot of tears, a lot of faking it, but one day it will be real and it will be easy and it will be worth it. but until then, i chose to lean, and lean hard.

"I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay."
- Dave Matthews Band



"Best friends just won't leave your side" -Blink182



"Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on, for it won't be long, 'til I'm going to need somebody to lean on."
- "Lean On Me"


"In good times, in bad times I'll be on your side forever more, that's what friends are for." 



We've gone our own ways and I know its for the best, but sometimes I wonder will I ever have a friend like you again?"
-Blink 182

Not Ready to Make Nice

2 weeks home from Thailand

whirlwind might be the only thing to describe this time at home.

in these two weeks i've had to reintroduce myself to america, to my high school guy friends, and now back to provo and my college life.

i think i am bad at being home. i find it really hard to bring the person i have become since high school, plus the person i became in Thailand and mesh it all into my current life. i can't figure out why it's being so hard for me.

i hear jet lag takes one day per hour time difference to get over. that would give me thirteen days. meaning my jet lag excuse ran out yesterday...bummer.

so now my only excuse is that i'm trying really hard to figure this out. not much of an excuse i know, but it's the best i can do.

i'm super frustrated that i can't fit myself anywhere anymore. i am too overwhelmed to meet people at school, i don't feel like i fit in with my old high school life, and....well, that's about all i've got.

where does this leave me? quiet, removed, and closed off. am i really that person though?

NO!

that is what is so frustrating.

since coming to college i've become a whole different person, more life of the party than fly on the wall type of person. where did that person go? i loved who i was in thailand. where did that person go too?

is it weird that i was only gone 4 months, and have now been home 2 weeks but STILL can't get myself together?? i seriously don't know what happened. but it's no fun. and who knows, maybe it's normal. i mean, when i get back with thailand people i fall right back into that person. i just need to figure out how to make that permanent...

i can't keep trying to fit into the role i filled before college and before thailand. because simply put, i'm not that person anymore. i don't even want to fit into that role. why make myself go three years backwards when i've tried so hard to move to where i am now?

sad thing is, i realize that. i just don't really know how to execute it...

i'm a different person, i guess it's only fitting that i have to figure out where i fit in the whole scheme of things again. i just wanna be done with it though. is there a time limit for this kind of stuff too?? cause i don't think i can handle it much longer... it's lonely and frustrating and such a waste of time. maybe i just need to work harder at it or something. eh i don't know, hopefully i'll just figure it out soon, whatever IT is!

Don't You Forget

The last week in Thailand included the beach. FINALLY! I was dying the whole three months to go to the beach, it was a great way to end the summer. Mind you I got totally and completely sunburned, but it was fun nonetheless. I mean, how do you not get fried when you try to cram a whole summer of sun into 4 days...?

After we left Laos we flew to Bangkok. Then we got on another plane to Phuket. Then we spent the night there and boarded ANOTHER boat for a few hours to get to Phi Phi island. It was quite the journey to get there, but it was well worth it.

our awesome hotel in Phuket

the Andaman Sea. FINALLY!

before we were tan...

view from our guest house

Our first night there we took a little hike up to the Phi Phi island lookout. It was beautiful. AND! We finally got to see a sunset. It always seemed to be too cloudy in Chiang Mai. This sunset was well worth the wait though!

Phi Phi was a straight up tourist island. Bars, restaurants, guesthouses, beach. That was about it. Not even cars, not a one.

One day we boarded another boat for a day of island hopping and snorkeling. It was a blast. Easily the highlight of Phi Phi island. Some of the sights...

And it started storming on our way back to the island. It was way fun to be in the water during the storm

Then we found Longbeach. Good thing because it was beautiful!! Easily a scene from a movie.

Then we found pizza and pasta. Probably the best i've ever had. Hence why we had it again for breakfast the next morning... and yeah we ate it ALL

But like all good things, they must come to an end. I write this recap at home, in America. It's good to be home. Hasn't gone down quite how I imagined the last four months, but it is good nonetheless. Of course I miss Thailand, but I did what I went to do. And now it's time to apply all that I learned back to my real life.

At least I brought a big piece of Thailand back with me. Hence the quadrupled amount of bags that I came with... and the Aladdin pants.

I'll never forget Thailand. Now back to provo...

Please Remember Me Once More

I've been home one week tomorrow. Say whaaat? Sometimes I think Thailand was a dream, actually i've almost convinced myself that it was one. One of those ones that you want to wake up from, but the second you do you wish you could fall back asleep and fall right into the same dream. Yeah, I wish I could be back in Thailand right about now.

Maybe I can relive it while posting my last two weeks of vacation in Laos and Thailand via pictures.

LAOS

We left Chiang Mai after the goodbyes were had, tears were shed, and one aspect of my life was being left behind. I was sad to leave, like really sad. But it was time to enjoy the last weeks there and finally say goodbye to the summer of a lifetime.

We boarded a boat for 2 days of floating down the Maekhon River. We boated for about six hours each day, enjoyed the scenery and the new friends we met along the way, and tried to keep ourselves entertained as we viewed the beautiful country of Laos.

We found some fun ways to entertain ourselves for that long on a boat. Such as this little friend on my leg

And, in addition to the water view of Laos we got to go to a cave full of Buddhas.

Literally 1000's of Buddhas

And seeing as Laos was a former French colony their bread is AWESOME. So...we ate a lot of these

And Laos has things just like Thailand

gold shiny things

monks

tuk tuks

Laos was a whirl wind of a trip. We boated in, spent a day, then flew out. It was fun to go experience another country. I mean, we were all the way on the other side of the world, might as well see some more of it right?