I Want to Ride My Bicycle

47 days until the marathon. Yikes.

My mind finally seems to be on board. I don't have this complete mental fight with myself as I debate whether to run or not. My mind seems to have given in, probably due to the fact that September 14th is rapidly approaching.

My body on the other hand seems to be fighting me...one run my knee hurts, then my other knee hurts, then both my knees hurt, then my back hurts...yada yada yada.

I just hurt. All the time.

Am I not built for running?

I ask myself that probably every day now.

I feel like I am fighting all the forces of nature every time I slip on those running shoes. Like the earth is telling me to STOP IT because I just wasn't created for such a thing.

But I want to be a runner saunterer. Is that not enough??

I'm not so sure it is.

So now I have a new obsession that is arising.

(I can see Jonathan shaking is head right now as he reads this)

Just like the marathon, and the juicing, when I want to do something- I will do it!

The only thing stopping me from this obsession is large amounts of money.

But one day it will happen, and I will be happy.

Because if I can't be a saunterer- then there is only one thing I can be.

A biker.

Yep, you read that right. I want to be a biker.

Post marathon, and post spending $1,000 on Jonathans PT applications.

We (yes you also read that right, because Jonathan actually likes biking) are going to become bikers.

And we will live happily, knee ache free, poor ever after.

So my next goal.

A century ride.

Me, a bike, 100 miles, and a very, very sore bum.

Run em like, run em, run em WOOP

There is one thing I hate to hear...

"I saw you running today."

That one simple sentence sends a rush of red to my face because I know the conversation that will follow.

Me: Oh yeah, I was probably walking right? (Because I know that if I run 10 miles and walk maybe .5 of it, that is when EVERYONE will see me. Everyone. It's just a fact of life for some reason)
Them: Yeah, but you looked like you'd been working hard
Me: Yeah...I sweat a lot.
Them: So, are you a runner?

Oh the dreaded question..."Are you a runner?"

This is what causes the rush of red.

Because I don't know what I am.

At no point during my "run" am I really "running".

I'm slow. Like reallll slow.

So no, I am not a runner.

If anything I am a jogger?

But I actually have come to think of myself as something else.

saun·ter  

/ˈsôntər/

Verb Walk in a slow, relaxed manner, without hurry or effort.

A saunter-er.

I decided I am a sunterer when I stopped to walk today, as I often do, and my walk put my pace slower than the Golden Girls walking in front of me. No joke, they were OLD. And they were going faster than me.

So from now on, when I get the question: are you a runner?

I will say, "No, in fact I am a saunterer.



Nike obviously doesn't know any saunterers...

Am I the Only One?

How come it is so hard to be nice to yourself? 

I taught a lesson about that in relief society today.

At one point, practically everyone was crying.

Me included.

Looks like i'm not the only one that struggles with it...

Thank You

Jonathan deserves the shout out of all shout outs.

In my usual procrastination method...I pushed my 7 mile run off all day yesterday. Literally ALL DAY.

It was approaching 11 pm and I was sure I had managed to skip another run.

I always make myself feel guilty about it, and I get all mad at myself, but somehow that guilt and anger doesn't motivate me to just get it done...it just produces this cycle of unhappiness.

But Jonathan, in his kind heart, said he would bike with me as I ran so I wasn't out alone at dark and wasn't forced to use the tredmill. And that my friends is a huge sacrifice. I run slow. And I mean sloooow. So biking from 11-midnight, at a snails pace, next to a panting, drenched in sweat girl sounds awful to me. But he was more than happy to do it.

Not just that, he provided an hours worth of encouragement that got me to run it faster than I ever could have without him.

What a guy. So selfless he is.

So selfless he agreed to wake up the next morning (after going to bed late because of the run/bike) to drive me 14 miles away from our house so that I could run home. I don't quite have the mental strength to run that far unless I am actually that far from home. So the sweet boy woke up early and drove me all that way.

This marathon training is all coming together because of him.

I would have quit by now i'm just sure of it.

In case I haven't said it enough, THANK YOU JONATHAN!

It's really nice to know you have a support system behind you. It has made all the difference in my life thus far, and becomes all the more evident when you are at the last of your rope, and you want to quit, and you look back and see your sweet husband riding a bike in the pitch black night behind you, just because he loves you.

Not because he wants me to run faster, or be anything different, just because he knows that is exactly where I need him to be.

The best is yet to come

I decided two more things I want to do in my lifetime.

Other than traveling, teaching, family, etc.

1. I want to create a documentary. Not necessarily produce it, but create it with my own research or study, and oversee the production. I really love documentaries, so why not make my own?

2. Live off of food from the farmers market. That requires me to live in a place with a regular farmers market, first of all. But I just love the idea of fresh, organic, practically home grown food. Plus I love walking around farmer's markets. I could do that all day. And just my luck, Jonathan likes them as well!

Just putting them in writing so I don't forget!

And to remind myself that there's no time better than the present to do all these things I want to do!

And quit living like the best is yet to come.