My Worst Nightmare

(Paris to come later. First I have to get this out)

I graduated the other day. So that's pretty cool, BYU class of 2013!

I also felt like I was graduating high school again because my get-up looked oddly familiar...

So 4 years of college down and now on to bigger and better things. More college.


And today I taught my first class at BYU.

And I say "taught" in the loosest sense.

Because I really didn't teach.

I mumbled
And stumbled
And fought back tears.

NOT the way to start my teaching career.

Let me back up for a second.

For those that don't know I start my Master's program in Sociology at BYU this coming fall.
Graduate students are able to teach undergraduate courses (especially during the spring and summer semester when the actual professors do not want to teach)

Since I am hoping to teach college for a profession one day, I jumped at this opportunity.

Now I am trying so so hard to not let my one bad teaching experience make me question my whole life plan...

I thought I was ready to teach today.

I used my whole run yesterday mentally running through my clever self introduction and class introduction.

I used this last week preparing my powerpoint, funny youtube clips, and crackin all my jokes to myself.

I show up in class today to find that the computer was down.

WHAT?!

I really could not imagine anything worse happening to me.

In fact, NOTHING worse could have happened.

My powerpoint, youtube clips, and syllabus overview were DOWN THE DRAIN.

Also down the drain? My entire lecture.

Because it ALL relied on the computer.

So I stood up in front of that class. Held back my tears. And tried to hide the pure fear that was running through my body.

Without that computer I had literally nothing.

And it showed.

This might sound dramatic, and maybe tomorrow i'll agree.

But in that moment, when all of my preparation was insufficient, and I was standing in front of that class, already with the odds against me as a young, female, not even graduate student, without a thought in my head except fear- well it was my nightmare.

A literal nightmare.

Can I wake up now?