Sunday, September 29, 2013

I Workout

Hello, anyone out there?


Didn't think so.

On that note...

I need this blog to serve a new purpose for me for the next while. A little different than the usual. But there doesn't seem to be anyone out there expecting a "usual" from me any way, so I don't feel too bad about switching it up.

Now that the marathon is over, i'm struggling to find a new balance with my body, mind, schedule, workout etc. Now that I don't go to the gym and just run forever, I find it exciting/nerve wracking to venture out to the...duh duh duh...weights.

Even since the race a few weeks ago, I see a difference in my body since i've been focusing more on weights. And i'm feeling happy about it.

So happy I come home and eat a Costco pumpkin streusel muffin to celebrate.

Bad. But also very yummy.

So I want to keep an exercise/food journal on this blog. Maybe it will keep me on track, give me new motivation that i've been lacking since the race, and best part, I don't have to pay $100 for a race to keep me accountable!

This blog is all about accountability now (plus whatever random things i'm thinking about).

Not sure who is out there that i'm being accountable to. The world wide web? Feels like the same concept as Mother Nature or something.

Anyway, it doesn't matter as long as it works in my mind.

So hopefully, good days or bad, I can write on here how I did. Be accountable. And feel accomplished as I look back and see that I tried. Or didn't try. Whatever, i'm human.

With grad school and work my days are as busy as ever.

The things I do are for normal people.
With busy schedules.
Who just want to feel a little better each day.

Some days are me dinkin around at the gym, some are videos i've found online, and some days are actual workouts put together by a dear friend. But seriously, anyone could do any of the things I try.

So maybe this won't just be for me, maybe it will spark something in someone else. Some motivation to try something new that day and feel good about it. So if anyone else needs accountability, you're welcome to join me.

But if that's not true, and this is just for me, then I think it serves just the same purpose. And i'm okay with that. (and half as embarrassed because no one is witnessing me put it all out there)

So cheers to accountability! And cheers to saving $100!

ps: I don't do any of this to say, hey look at me! I work out! That is the LAST thing I want this to be. I want this to be a place for me to keep track of what works for me, what i've tried, and what i've failed at. Maybe it will be motivation for someone else, maybe it won't. Maybe it will make people annoyed and never want to read this again, but I think i've already managed to do that to most people ;) All in all, it is to help myself, and maybe (hopefully) someone else along the way. If I can do that, then I consider it a success.

pps: no sweaty selfies will be included in the production of this blog. promise.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Wherever You Will Go

I've had this song on repeat for the last few weeks. Literally repeat. I think I am on round 7 at the moment.

I thought I just liked it. The sweet sound, soothing, it just feels homey.

But it hit me today, this song completely expresses how i've been feeling the last little while.

As my time at BYU is quickly coming to a close, Jonathan and I have no idea what is coming next.

I mean, we hope we do.

Jonathan has submitted his physical therapy applications so now is just the waiting game. And now i'm submitting applications and we wait and wonder even more. We sit while our lives rest in the hands of anonymous application reviewers. It's scary. It's scary to think that we could move far away, or that we could move no where at all.

I get a little pit in my stomach if I think about it all too hard.

But then I listen to this song, and I remember why it will all be okay.

I truly will go wherever Jonathan will go. Cheesy or not.

And that thought brings me peace.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

Last time I wrote it was 47 days until the marathon.

Now it is 8 days past the marathon.

Where has the time gone?!

Since I last wrote I finished teaching, went on a vacation to Vegas and California, celebrated my birthday, Jonathan's birthday, and our one year anniversary, started my master's program, and ran a marathon. Plus who knows what else!

Those all seem mighty blog worthy to me, and yet I find myself more content in just living those things opposed to writing about them. I think i'll regret that in a few months when the pain in my foot from the marathon goes away, so all I have to remember it by is the medal the size of my head (no joke.), and when it is our 5 year anniversary and I vaguely remember the awesome experience at the Blue Man Group.

So maybe i'll be better about blogging, but then again maybe I won't. We'll see.

But for now, here is the marathon update.

The month before the race my silly IT band injury crept up again. This time I was annoyed. I could hardly run over 2 miles without wanting to stop and curl into a ball, or chop my leg off, either one sounded fine. I kept wanting to run though, I knew this was a crucial time to build up my mileage before the race. So I had a constant mental battle over resting my leg, or running the miles on my training program. Most of the time resting my leg won out, thanks to Jonathan's physical therapy advice.

It was hard though. It made me not only physically weak in regards to running for that long, but mentally weak because I knew I hadn't been able to put forth the effort required.

I planned on running 2-20 milers and 1-22 mile run before the race, well I ended up doing one 18 miler and one 20 miler ON THE TREADMILL! Worst experience of my life. These 20 miles included jumping off the treadmill every mile to rest my leg. So let's just say I was not prepared. At least not as prepared as I wanted to be.

So race day came and I got to the top of the canyon where I waited 3 hours for the race to start. I was nervous, but just choosing not to think about it much.

I didn't meet one person running their first marathon with me. They were all on number 3, 32, or 61 or somewhere in between. That was intimidating but they all encouraged me by saying that their first marathon took them about 5 and a half hours and have now cut that time down an hour or two. It eased my mind knowing that slow was okay.

Although a part of me knew that slow was okay, it was not okay for me. I had in my mind to do this race in 4 hours, but I knew my body had not been trained for that. So those 3 hours of waiting were filled with talking myself into thinking that slow was okay, and finishing was the goal.

It sort of worked.

The gun went off and I ran faster than I thought I could, for longer than I thought I could.

I approached mile 19 feeling surprisingly good. My leg hurt of course, but that was nothing new. I finally saw my family around that time and it was just the extra boost I needed to keep going. I mean, I was almost at the end right?!

Little did I know, that "wall" people always talk about hitting, was very, very real. Around mile 20 my leg was killing. I mean, I could hardly limp along. I had to have Jonathan walk by my side so I could keep moving forward. My IT band was MAD! So for the next two miles I slowly limped along, watching my dream time slip long into the past. I wanted to finish, but not like that.

I got some pain medication at the water stop around mile 22 and once that kicked in I felt like I could at least saunter my way to the finish line. By no means fast, but by no means as slow as the last 2 miles had been.

I just wanted to be done. I was so close, but literally so far.

I saw the mile markers 23, 24, 25, 26, and I knew the last .2 miles were it. I put it all out there, forced my IT band to listen to me for once and ran as fast as I could. I could see my family, and the other spectators cheering and I ran to that finish line feeling like I had run the whole thing.

I felt accomplished.
I felt tired.
But I did it.

I was so scared during that last month of training that I wouldn't be able to finish the race. That I would be a few miles in and my leg would hurt too much to keep going. And I would have to get on the "wimp wagon" as Jonathan's boss so tenderly calls it...(aka the car that picks up people who can't keep running)

But that didn't happen!

The slow time didn't even phase me like I was nervous it would. Of course I would have liked faster, which is why I know another marathon will be in my future.

But for now I am happy.

I survived 26.2! Who knew putting yourself through something so physically hard, could make you feel so physically, mentally, and spiritually alive?! I got teary eyed multiple times along the route. Pain or no pain, I was doing something I set my mind to, and I did not let anything stop me.

And that is a feeling worth fighting for.

And I sure couldn't have done it without the amazing support of everyone that loves me! THANK YOU!!!