Push It, Push It, To The Limit, Limit

Two words for ya

Thai. Massage.

Let me paint a picture.

Jungle all around, me in my white towel listening to the sounds of rushing water as I lie in peaceful bliss, dreaming of mosquito bite-less legs, and cold swimming pools

Oh shoot, wrong picture.

Me in purple Aladdin pants on the floor with my body getting yanked and pressed…in the middle of their Walmart equivalent

Yep, that picture is more like it.

Don’t get me wrong, moments were awesome. It was cheap, the people were SUPER nice, and it was a must do in Thailand, and guaranteed I get another one. But here is my story.

I walk in to this little shop in Big C (exactly like Walmart except with Thai writing and music) and the first picture I see is of this white girl in a diaper, I’m not joking, a diaper. Baby or sumo style, you pick the image you prefer, anyway, I am officially terrified. First of all, no one should see anyone in a diaper past the age of three let alone a full grown women, especially if that woman is ME! She was in the stereotypical position on the table with the massage people doin their job. Maybe I should have been content with the diaper…at least I would have known how to put that on!

So I walk into the back room where they hand me purple pants. Instant relief…until I tried to put them on. I had to call Anna back to help me, she sure got a kick out of that!! She came back and told me that first of all I had them on backwards, second of all they are NOT drawstring, and third of all I leave all my shirts on…once again relief.

So let the games eehem I mean massage begin. She quickly realizes I speak no Thai, and she speaks no English… I just knew we were in for a treat. She put my body in the WEIRDEST positions. No one could have told me how to put my body that way in English, so attempting to do it without speaking easily could have been on funnies home videos. You tube hit right there! It was hilarious, I was laughing, she was laughing, Attid (I’ll get to him later) was overly enthused, and Anna was trying to translate the whole thing.

Attid…oh Attid. That was the other massage dudes name, I don’t know how to spell his name but that is my attempt. It means Sunday in Thai. But he kept complimenting my chamuud (nose) saying that it was soi maag (very pretty). He also kept saying that I am no faalang (white person) because my skin is sii dang (red). Luckily he chose words I actually knew. But he was asking Anna my age and where I’m from and all that. Then he asked me my name and for some reason it is really hard for Thai people to say. So I said Hayley to which they all repeated Harry?? And one looks at me and goes “like Harry Potter?” and I said…kha (yes). Who wouldn’t want to be Harry Potter?!

Through all this talking I am in a constant interval of relaxation and extreme pain. She was pullin and pushin and pounding and I never learned how to say OWWW in Thai. She finally must have seen the pain on my face and she said “You hurt?” Woohoo I knew how to answer that one, “nid noi” (a little bit) I responded. She laughed and just kept on her marry way pounding and pushing as previously done. Potentially closer to a groin search than the full body pat down…just sayin. Also just sayin…good thing I was stretching a lot before I came to Thailand. She was making my body go into those positions whether it could or not. Carrie, you thought you could make my back crack?? Wow… this was on a whole new level.

Anyway….that is my first Thai Massage experience. Surely one to be remembered. Three extreme positives came out of this one

1. I experienced my first massage. That alone is awesome
2. They told me to put some cream on my mosquito bites (which they were amazed at) AND IT WORKED! I haven’t felt an itch since. Luckily they had some to buy and you better believe I did. It reminds me of Vicks Vapor Rub (it reminds me of you mom, you know I hate the smell) but it works like a champ. Okay so now that I’m thinking of itching, my legs have started again, but on a smaller scale so I’m content.
3. This is the big one. I found Thai dance aerobics! Outside of Big C they have dance aerobics. Say what?? It is hilarious and awesome and I am stoked. It is every night and only a short bike ride away. I officially know what I’ll be doing every night from now on. I’ll keep ya updated...videos and all. That in itself will be a quality post.