Travelin' Man

Some people walk into your life and the second they step in you are changed.

Some times this change is a slower process, one you don't even know is happening. You exist in each others presence until all of a sudden you realize you are a new person.

But some times it is sudden. And you can feel it. And you know you are instantly new.

I've been privileged to encounter a few of these people in my college career.

One of them instantly changed my life when the first thing he said to me was, "the Thailand internship application is due this weekend. I expect to see yours there."

Next thing I knew...there I was. Experiencing the world for the first time.

While in Thailand this same man told me of an opportunity in Uganda. And just as before, before I even knew it...there I was.

This is a good man who has done for many other students what he has done for me. He taught us to love the world, to literally urge to see it all, and to stop at nothing to do it.

This same professor has traveled the world time and time again and told me to make it a goal to get somewhere new every year. For the last three years I have succeeded and will again next year. I hope to make him proud.

Like in life...
Bad things often happen to bad people.
But also in life...
Bad things often happen to very, very good people.

This man who changed my life and opened my world the literal second he stepped into it was forced to give his "Last Lecture" last week. He has too many stories to share to have this be his last lecture, I hope for all of our sake that he is blessed with time to deliver more.

But until then, here are the 13 points he presented in his lecture titled, "Crossing A Frontier By Exposing Yourself to New Ideas: Why the Search for Truth is the Hallmark of an Academic's Life."

I have not stopped thinking about this lecture and I hope to share it with others. These are just from the notes I took that do NOT do it justice. But here it goes anyway.

1) The search for truth vs. simply its defense
               He explains that the moment we think we have the truth we are damned, or we stop growing. To think we know the truth means that we have reached our final destination, we have reached our peak. But it is the duty of all intelligent beings to search for truth and never become complacent if we think we have found it.

2) Scholarship- the language of the search for truth (aka books)
             READ! Read a lot and read a variety. To know what one book says we must read others.

3) Be an intellectual migrant- question reality and cross new frontiers
            TRAVEL! Root yourself in ideas opposed to places, it will make you venture more. Travel provides perspective and broadens your context and perception. It shows us where our perspective comes from, it explains which lenses we wear (for example I see the world from a white, female, Mormon, educated perspective) and how that changes how we see the world

4) Step out of your box
             Learn new languages and cultures. Change your context and perspective because truth ultimately comes from the diversity of perspectives.

5) Embrace the contradictions- they provide opportunities to cross new frontiers
           Social life is full of contradictions, we just decide which ones to focus on.

6) Be yourself, but if yourself is a jerk than be someone else
          Be nice. Leave people inspired

7) Dare to be different- but know why you are- different with a purpose
           We all have something to contribute. Find your contribution

8) Live life fearlessly
           Get your own information opposed to relying on the news or experiences of others. Be brave enough to question and search and wonder.

9) Speak truth to power
           Know what you believe, and why, and act accordingly. But BE NICE doing it!

10) Look for ways to affirm opposed to destroy without lowering the bar
           See the good in people first. Be a self proclaimed ambassador to the world. The world is a cool place, we are lucky to be a part of it. It is easy to get wrapped up in the bad- but that only happens if you have not sought out and experienced the good.

11) Allow yourself to be topped by others
           Do not stereotype people. We are prone to seek efficiency before we seek human relationships. Slow down and make relationships. Prioritize and always pick people. And put trust in people versus arbitrary rules.

12) Joy in the interaction- the relationship
           The truths we are looking for are ultimately found in our relationships.

13) Life is in the journey not in the arrival
           This is the lesson I learned most from this professor. While I was interning in Thailand I struggled because I was there to help them, and yet I felt that my help was futile in regards to all the problems that needed fixing. He told us that this is true, we aren't there to change their worlds because that task is far too much for us. But what we are there to learn is this: appreciate what you do have but realize what you don't and bring it home. That is beautiful. He says, when you experience other cultures and people and perspectives you learn to appreciate what you have in your own life. In addition, you learn what your life is lacking. When you realize this you determine to bring it home with you. And that is the ultimate journey towards truth.

We are on this planet to dream and to explore and to seek for truth. Truth cannot be found in one place, it comes through understanding, relationships, diversity, and culture. Do not be content letting our dreams remain dreams, because we never know when our time dreaming on this earth will be cut short.

The morning before this lecture Jonathan and I used most of our savings to purchase plane tickets to travel back to his LDS mission in Guatemala. I was so excited to experience such a big part of him, but of course I was scared because money has not come that easy.

After hearing this lecture from a man who has lived a full life and is leaving this life far too early, when I heard his most important memories have come from the experiences he has had opposed to the money in his pocket- I knew we made the right decision.

**I understand everyone does not have a desire or means to travel. And that is more than okay! But there is still so much to learn from these 13 points from a man who has so much to give. We are all taking this journey towards truth somewhere and here is some help to do it. 

wave goodbye

Something has been on my mind lately.

And I use "lately" in a loose sense, because it has actually been on my mind since I embarked on my, "try to be a runner" journey a few years ago.

And it is not always on my mind by any means. But when it is on my mind I get a little bit wrapped up in it.

And what is on my mind is this...

My life constantly flashing before my eyes.

When you decide to become a "runner" you are making a silent contract with every form of transportation: every car, bike, bus etc.

This silent contract is something along the lines of:

I (insert name) agree to risk my life in order to help my life. I agree to run on roads of distracted drivers and risk my life in the name of health and happiness. And if you (insert name of distracted driver) choose to put my life on the line, I will forgive you with your weak and oh so impersonal wave of the hand, signaling that you are just a little bit sorry that you almost hit me.

Signed (already inserted name)

I am a cautious runner, like probably most runners out there. I try to keep my music relatively low and keep my eyes relatively open in order to compensate for the drivers who couldn't seem to care less about my safety and only care about their destination which must be on fire because of the pace they are choosing to get to that destination.

Then, in the instance they almost hit me, which is seriously way too frequent, they give this almost guilty, but mostly pity wave saying, "sorry I am in too much of a hurry to open my eyes and see other people around me."

Then I usually proceed to glare at them to subtly tell them... "YOU ALMOST KILLED ME!"

Well, glad that can get off my mind for the next few months. I rarely run into life threatening situations on the dear treadmill...

But really, that pity wave is the WORST!

Long Live

Here are some quotes from a man who really knew how to live. I've been thinking a lot about myself lately. Why am I sick? I want to do this with my future. I want this, I want that. Me, me me. 

I obviously needed a dose of humble pie and was sent a nice slice of pink eye. I obviously needed a reminder that I am not the center of the universe. In fact, I should not even be the center of my own universe. And obviously there is so, so, so much I need to learn from dear Nelson Mandela. 

1) "Difficulties break some men but make others. No axe is sharp enough to cut the soul of a sinner who keeps on trying, one armed with the hope that he will rise even in the end."

2) "It always seems impossible until it's done."

3) "If I had my time over I would do the same again. So would any man who dares call himself a man."

4) "I like friends who have independent minds because they tend to make you see problems from all angles."

5) "Real leaders must be ready to sacrifice all for the freedom of their people."

6) "A fundamental concern for others in our individual and community lives would go a long way in making the world the better place we so passionately dreamt of."

7) "Everyone can rise above their circumstances and achieve success if they are dedicated to and passionate about what they do."

8) "Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world."

9) "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

10) "For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."

11) "Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies."

12) "Lead from the back — and let others believe they are in front."

13) "Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again."

14) "I hate race discrimination most intensely and in all its manifestations. I have fought it all during my life; I fight it now, and will do so until the end of my days."

15) "A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination."

                                                    -Nelson Mandela (compiled by USA Today)

I feel as though I have fallen these last few weeks. Fallen into a pit of self-centerdness and self pity. But today I choose to build my ladder and climb out. 

Time to say hello to the others I have neglected.

I will never be privileged to leave a legacy like Nelson Mandela has left with us. But holy cow I will try my hardest to follow even just these 15 pieces of wisdom he has blessed us with. 

I'm so sick and tired, of being sick and tired!

Well here I sit...in my bed
extending my Thanksgiving break one more day.

When I should actually be sitting on campus
finishing the literally million things that have to get done the next 10 days.

One would think this would be a good thing.
Who wouldn't choose a nice day in bed over a stressful day on campus?

Well...when you are on day seven of a sore throat (that forces you to cringe to swallow)
and day 5 of severe pink eye....
NO ONE would choose staying home, i'm sure of it!

I should be on week two of marathon training.
But breathing, swallowing, and seeing are pretty vital things when it comes to running.
So ...one ten mile run is all I have to show for it.

I should have had a perfect thanksgiving break full of fun and family.
Instead I got puffy eyes, dry hands from excessive hand sanitizer, and a big belly from eating and never moving.

I have successfully achieved one thing though...
I have extreme empathy for the vampires i've grown to love so much.



It is a HARD life to have really red eyes.
I empathize completely.

Well, now I leave, back to my attempted sleep.
Which is halted by the child banging on the piano downstairs
and the roofers banging on the ceiling above.

Woe is me.
I'm SO sick and tired of being sick, red eyed, sore throat-ed, and tired!

In case you think I am only cranky and whiney,
I should maybe remind you I am also very thankful, Thanksgiving will do that to ya...
i'll spare you that list though ;) ;)

Sweet Child of Mine

I've heard it said that having a baby is completely worth all the pain of labor. I've seen quite a few baby deliveries in my time (thank you Uganda) and you know that something has to keep bringing women back for more, because it sure isn't the labor part!

But once they see their babies and their hard work, they seem to forget the pain and continue to fall in love with their new baby.

Or at least, they come to realize that the outcome far outweighs the pain.

Well my friends...if we continue on with this train of thought, i'm heading for baby number 2.

Baby one was named Big Cottonwood
And number two is a smooth sounding Sand Hollow

That is right, time to begin the training for my second marathon.
Just in time to start training because all my training for the last one is officially gone... :(
and the memories of the pain and frustration have faded.

Although looking at this picture brings it back a little bit...

Oh well, because here I go again.

Baby #2 coming March 29, 2014

tell you the story of who i am

When I recently did my grad school applications, some of the schools required a "personal history statement." Here is the description of the essay they wished to receive.

In an essay, discuss how your personal background informs your decision to pursue a graduate degree. Please include any educational, familial, cultural, economic, or social experiences, challenges, or opportunities relevant to your academic journey; how you might contribute to social or cultural diversity within your chosen field; and/or how you might serve educationally underrepresented segments of society with your degree.

Although some of the sections mention furthering your education, it can all be applied to any career you choose to pursue. It was an interesting process to dig deep and figure out what got me to where I am. This essay was both challenging and fulfilling to write. As a Mormon white girl I feel as though I don't have much cultural diversity to add...but, like all people, I have a past and experiences and my own story. And it was a fun process to think of that past, experiences, and story and put it into words.

I suggest all people do it. Or at least think about it. If you had two pages to convince someone that you were worth something to them and that you have experienced life, what would you say? 

I learned a lot about myself in the process. 

I just wanna live while i'm alive

Speaking of life (the last post), this is quite a way to think about it!

I think today I hope to serve a little more and watch tv a little less. 2000+ hours of TV and only 500+ hours of service. Quite disproportional if ya ask me!!

So maybe ask yourself, what will you do with that time?

It's the Good Life

Long story short.

Life is busy. But I don't imagine it is ever not busy. So there is that.

But I actually feel pretty on top of life for once, at least when it comes to school.

I am still on track to graduate with my Masters degree in June.

My applications for my PhD are in ahead of schedule.

And my endless pages of papers are well underway.

Which means that a curve ball is headed at me.

If i've learned anything, it is that nothing stays smooth for long.

Mind you, I sure am not on top of everything.

I didn't stick to my workout plan yet again this week.

I didn't stick to my pre-Thanksgiving eating plan either.

I did however manage to beat myself up about it.

But, like, it's cool. I mean, i'm human.

So I plug along like the rest. Managing the busy, coping with the inefficiencies, and pretending I don't care about the failures.

Such is life.

But I have a really, really good life. So there is that as well.


On a whole other note... when I was completing my applications for school I went through an extremely emotional roller coaster.

Jonathan and I are not too sure what is coming in the next few months/years. Will he get accepted? Where? Will I get accepted? And since we are not made of money we made the hard, but right decision to limit my applications. So opposed to the many I was hoping to apply to, I stuck with applying to the few.

It was hard to accept, to possibly leave my PhD dreams behind. Or at least behind for now.
But there are times in life when you just have to trust.
And oh boy are we just trusting right now.
Trusting that if we keep doors open, one of them will be the right one.
Trusting that everything will be okay.
And trusting that someone will want us.

It is a hard thing to put everything you've worked for in the hands of a careless holder.
Right now we are literally words on a page to people who are determining our entire future.
They look at who we are in terms of our failures and accomplishments.
They weigh the risk of taking us vs. the risk of letting us go.
How cruel of a system I say.

No one should have the power to judge you by a piece of paper. A number. Or an essay.

But once again, such is life. And it really, truly, deep down, is such a good life.

Run baby Run

I have found the best treadmill workout.
I sort of learned to bond with the thing while training for the marathon, due to my silly leg, I couldn't run outside on the uneven roads. Which left a lot of quality time for me and the dear dreadmill.... But this is a way to make the time fly by!

Here is what you do.

And you can adjust the incline of the treadmill, the length of the intervals, and the speed, so you can make it fit whatever level you're at!

Here is what I did yesterday as an example.

I run a 10 minute warm up
Then set the treadmill to a 7% incline
Walk for 2 minutes around a 3.6 mph
Then run for 1.5 minutes around a 6.5 pace.
Then alternate between the walk and run for as long as you can last, or how much time you have.
I make sure I do the walk at the same speed, but the run gets a little faster every time.

I did it for a half hour (not including the warm up) because I didn't have much time. I ran a little over 3 miles and burned over 550 calories!! The calories come off much faster if you run intervals, especially on that incline!

It makes the time go fast because you're constantly changing what you're doing. And you get a walking break every 1.5 minutes! Who doesn't love a walking break?!

Everyone should try this. Seriously.

Just make the incline a 5 or 6
Or make your walk pace a 3 and run pace a 5. Or a 4 and 8 if you can kick my butt.
Etc.

Whatever you do, make sure you're really tired by the end of that 1.5 minute run, then you get 2 minutes to get yourself together and do it again!

It is definitely a way to make the treadmill bearable, especially as it gets colder!

Here are my goals this week. I've been sick this last week so it gave me just the excuse I needed to be a whimp... So i'm writing my goals out to make sure it doesn't happen again!

Monday: Run 4 total miles doing the workout above. Arms for 30 min.
Tuesday: Long run day...8 miles. Intramural football game.
Wednesday: Arms and Abs 1 hour. Intramural soccer game
Thursday: Whatever I am feeling...rest, weights, run. Let's be honest though...probably nothing.
Friday: 5 mile run. Arms for 30 min.
Saturday: 20 minute interval workouts my friend gave me (burpees, push-ups, sit-ups, squats)

Who knows how that will go, but at least it is an idea!

Lessons Learned

If you want the motivation to run 8 miles. Make that run end at Yogurtland.

Works like a charm.

And if you want to run that run faster. Put a real dark, ominous rain cloud over your head.

And if you want to catch a cold.

Do the aforementioned things.

Can't win em all I guess.

And if you get a call from an unknown number. Don't answer.

Because it might be your Stake President asking you to speak at Stake Conference on Sunday.

Like Jane Fonda

I survived my 8 miles! They were slow and a little bit sore from the race still, but I finished and that's all that matters.

Got my hair cut today, and like usual they make my hair look better than I ever can. So no way was I going to the gym to sweat it all away.

So I did these videos in my living room.

Everyone has twenty minutes to spare! So if you read this, get down and do these two videos! You won't regret it. 10 minutes of arms 8 minutes of abs. Short and sweet.

Here is the arms link. I only have 5 pound weights so when she says switch to the 3 I just keep my 5. It hurts, but it's the only option i've got. I'm sure a can of beans would work nicely though

http://www.fitsugar.com/10-Minute-Workout-Sexy-Sculpted-Arms-21620326

Here is 8 minute abs. You can thank me for the man in tights later.




Really, less than 20 minutes! Doing something is ALWAYS better than doing nothing!

And if you're feeling extra crazy, here is 8 minute buns. Pretty funny looking but totally hurts!





If anyone out there tries any of these let me know how they go!

Living in a world of contradiction

Contradictions.

Obviously life is always full of them. There are always things we want to do that oppose the things we should do.

But sometimes life seems more full of them than others.

This is definitely one of those times.

Everything I want seems to contradict another thing I want. There are few circumstances where I can have both, so I find myself with a lot of hard decisions on my plate.

Decisions that need to be made on a timeline. And I know that anytime I need to make decisions on a timeline, things go real wrong. If anything, I just shut down to the point where no decisions get made. But the deadlines still approach, the decisions do not go away, and I am left standing on their doorstep not knowing what i'm going to say until the exact second they open the door.

I'm like that at restaurants. I am always deciding between two things up until the very second the waiter asks me what I want. In the rush of the decisions I spit one out. In that scenario, I almost always spit out the wrong one.

Some things are too important to spit out the wrong answer. Luckily some aren't as influential like what I eat for dinner. But some have consequences lasting far beyond the next meal.

But for now, like usual, I will put the decisions off to the side and make one minor one now.

Homework vs gym.

Yesterday I picked homework.

Today I pick gym.

8 miles on the agenda today. Longest i've run since the marathon so we'll see how it goes!

I Workout

Hello, anyone out there?

Anyone?

Didn't think so.

On that note...

I need this blog to serve a new purpose for me for the next while. A little different than the usual. But there doesn't seem to be anyone out there expecting a "usual" from me any way, so I don't feel too bad about switching it up.

Now that the marathon is over, i'm struggling to find a new balance with my body, mind, schedule, workout etc. Now that I don't go to the gym and just run forever, I find it exciting/nerve wracking to venture out to the...duh duh duh...weights.

Even since the race a few weeks ago, I see a difference in my body since i've been focusing more on weights. And i'm feeling happy about it.

So happy I come home and eat a Costco pumpkin streusel muffin to celebrate.

Bad. But also very yummy.

So I want to keep an exercise/food journal on this blog. Maybe it will keep me on track, give me new motivation that i've been lacking since the race, and best part, I don't have to pay $100 for a race to keep me accountable!

This blog is all about accountability now (plus whatever random things i'm thinking about).

Not sure who is out there that i'm being accountable to. The world wide web? Feels like the same concept as Mother Nature or something.

Anyway, it doesn't matter as long as it works in my mind.

So hopefully, good days or bad, I can write on here how I did. Be accountable. And feel accomplished as I look back and see that I tried. Or didn't try. Whatever, i'm human.

With grad school and work my days are as busy as ever.

The things I do are for normal people.
With busy schedules.
Who just want to feel a little better each day.

Some days are me dinkin around at the gym, some are videos i've found online, and some days are actual workouts put together by a dear friend. But seriously, anyone could do any of the things I try.

So maybe this won't just be for me, maybe it will spark something in someone else. Some motivation to try something new that day and feel good about it. So if anyone else needs accountability, you're welcome to join me.

But if that's not true, and this is just for me, then I think it serves just the same purpose. And i'm okay with that. (and half as embarrassed because no one is witnessing me put it all out there)

So cheers to accountability! And cheers to saving $100!


ps: I don't do any of this to say, hey look at me! I work out! That is the LAST thing I want this to be. I want this to be a place for me to keep track of what works for me, what i've tried, and what i've failed at. Maybe it will be motivation for someone else, maybe it won't. Maybe it will make people annoyed and never want to read this again, but I think i've already managed to do that to most people ;) All in all, it is to help myself, and maybe (hopefully) someone else along the way. If I can do that, then I consider it a success.

pps: no sweaty selfies will be included in the production of this blog. promise.

Wherever You Will Go

I've had this song on repeat for the last few weeks. Literally repeat. I think I am on round 7 at the moment.




I thought I just liked it. The sweet sound, soothing, it just feels homey.

But it hit me today, this song completely expresses how i've been feeling the last little while.

As my time at BYU is quickly coming to a close, Jonathan and I have no idea what is coming next.

I mean, we hope we do.

Jonathan has submitted his physical therapy applications so now is just the waiting game. And now i'm submitting applications and we wait and wonder even more. We sit while our lives rest in the hands of anonymous application reviewers. It's scary. It's scary to think that we could move far away, or that we could move no where at all.

I get a little pit in my stomach if I think about it all too hard.

But then I listen to this song, and I remember why it will all be okay.

I truly will go wherever Jonathan will go. Cheesy or not.

And that thought brings me peace.

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

Last time I wrote it was 47 days until the marathon.

Now it is 8 days past the marathon.

Where has the time gone?!

Since I last wrote I finished teaching, went on a vacation to Vegas and California, celebrated my birthday, Jonathan's birthday, and our one year anniversary, started my master's program, and ran a marathon. Plus who knows what else!

Those all seem mighty blog worthy to me, and yet I find myself more content in just living those things opposed to writing about them. I think i'll regret that in a few months when the pain in my foot from the marathon goes away, so all I have to remember it by is the medal the size of my head (no joke.), and when it is our 5 year anniversary and I vaguely remember the awesome experience at the Blue Man Group.

So maybe i'll be better about blogging, but then again maybe I won't. We'll see.

But for now, here is the marathon update.

The month before the race my silly IT band injury crept up again. This time I was annoyed. I could hardly run over 2 miles without wanting to stop and curl into a ball, or chop my leg off, either one sounded fine. I kept wanting to run though, I knew this was a crucial time to build up my mileage before the race. So I had a constant mental battle over resting my leg, or running the miles on my training program. Most of the time resting my leg won out, thanks to Jonathan's physical therapy advice.

It was hard though. It made me not only physically weak in regards to running for that long, but mentally weak because I knew I hadn't been able to put forth the effort required.

I planned on running 2-20 milers and 1-22 mile run before the race, well I ended up doing one 18 miler and one 20 miler ON THE TREADMILL! Worst experience of my life. These 20 miles included jumping off the treadmill every mile to rest my leg. So let's just say I was not prepared. At least not as prepared as I wanted to be.

So race day came and I got to the top of the canyon where I waited 3 hours for the race to start. I was nervous, but just choosing not to think about it much.

I didn't meet one person running their first marathon with me. They were all on number 3, 32, or 61 or somewhere in between. That was intimidating but they all encouraged me by saying that their first marathon took them about 5 and a half hours and have now cut that time down an hour or two. It eased my mind knowing that slow was okay.

Although a part of me knew that slow was okay, it was not okay for me. I had in my mind to do this race in 4 hours, but I knew my body had not been trained for that. So those 3 hours of waiting were filled with talking myself into thinking that slow was okay, and finishing was the goal.

It sort of worked.

The gun went off and I ran faster than I thought I could, for longer than I thought I could.

I approached mile 19 feeling surprisingly good. My leg hurt of course, but that was nothing new. I finally saw my family around that time and it was just the extra boost I needed to keep going. I mean, I was almost at the end right?!

Little did I know, that "wall" people always talk about hitting, was very, very real. Around mile 20 my leg was killing. I mean, I could hardly limp along. I had to have Jonathan walk by my side so I could keep moving forward. My IT band was MAD! So for the next two miles I slowly limped along, watching my dream time slip long into the past. I wanted to finish, but not like that.

I got some pain medication at the water stop around mile 22 and once that kicked in I felt like I could at least saunter my way to the finish line. By no means fast, but by no means as slow as the last 2 miles had been.

I just wanted to be done. I was so close, but literally so far.

I saw the mile markers 23, 24, 25, 26, and I knew the last .2 miles were it. I put it all out there, forced my IT band to listen to me for once and ran as fast as I could. I could see my family, and the other spectators cheering and I ran to that finish line feeling like I had run the whole thing.

I felt accomplished.
I felt tired.
But I did it.

I was so scared during that last month of training that I wouldn't be able to finish the race. That I would be a few miles in and my leg would hurt too much to keep going. And I would have to get on the "wimp wagon" as Jonathan's boss so tenderly calls it...(aka the car that picks up people who can't keep running)

But that didn't happen!

The slow time didn't even phase me like I was nervous it would. Of course I would have liked faster, which is why I know another marathon will be in my future.

But for now I am happy.

I survived 26.2! Who knew putting yourself through something so physically hard, could make you feel so physically, mentally, and spiritually alive?! I got teary eyed multiple times along the route. Pain or no pain, I was doing something I set my mind to, and I did not let anything stop me.

And that is a feeling worth fighting for.


And I sure couldn't have done it without the amazing support of everyone that loves me! THANK YOU!!!

I Want to Ride My Bicycle

47 days until the marathon. Yikes.

My mind finally seems to be on board. I don't have this complete mental fight with myself as I debate whether to run or not. My mind seems to have given in, probably due to the fact that September 14th is rapidly approaching.

My body on the other hand seems to be fighting me...one run my knee hurts, then my other knee hurts, then both my knees hurt, then my back hurts...yada yada yada.

I just hurt. All the time.

Am I not built for running?

I ask myself that probably every day now.

I feel like I am fighting all the forces of nature every time I slip on those running shoes. Like the earth is telling me to STOP IT because I just wasn't created for such a thing.

But I want to be a runner saunterer. Is that not enough??

I'm not so sure it is.

So now I have a new obsession that is arising.

(I can see Jonathan shaking is head right now as he reads this)

Just like the marathon, and the juicing, when I want to do something- I will do it!

The only thing stopping me from this obsession is large amounts of money.

But one day it will happen, and I will be happy.

Because if I can't be a saunterer- then there is only one thing I can be.

A biker.

Yep, you read that right. I want to be a biker.

Post marathon, and post spending $1,000 on Jonathans PT applications.

We (yes you also read that right, because Jonathan actually likes biking) are going to become bikers.

And we will live happily, knee ache free, poor ever after.

So my next goal.

A century ride.

Me, a bike, 100 miles, and a very, very sore bum.

Run em like, run em, run em WOOP

There is one thing I hate to hear...

"I saw you running today."

That one simple sentence sends a rush of red to my face because I know the conversation that will follow.

Me: Oh yeah, I was probably walking right? (Because I know that if I run 10 miles and walk maybe .5 of it, that is when EVERYONE will see me. Everyone. It's just a fact of life for some reason)
Them: Yeah, but you looked like you'd been working hard
Me: Yeah...I sweat a lot.
Them: So, are you a runner?

Oh the dreaded question..."Are you a runner?"

This is what causes the rush of red.

Because I don't know what I am.

At no point during my "run" am I really "running".

I'm slow. Like reallll slow.

So no, I am not a runner.

If anything I am a jogger?

But I actually have come to think of myself as something else.

saun·ter  

/ˈsôntər/

Verb Walk in a slow, relaxed manner, without hurry or effort.

A saunter-er.

I decided I am a sunterer when I stopped to walk today, as I often do, and my walk put my pace slower than the Golden Girls walking in front of me. No joke, they were OLD. And they were going faster than me.

So from now on, when I get the question: are you a runner?

I will say, "No, in fact I am a saunterer.



Nike obviously doesn't know any saunterers...

Am I the Only One?

How come it is so hard to be nice to yourself? 

I taught a lesson about that in relief society today.

At one point, practically everyone was crying.

Me included.

Looks like i'm not the only one that struggles with it...

Thank You

Jonathan deserves the shout out of all shout outs.

In my usual procrastination method...I pushed my 7 mile run off all day yesterday. Literally ALL DAY.

It was approaching 11 pm and I was sure I had managed to skip another run.

I always make myself feel guilty about it, and I get all mad at myself, but somehow that guilt and anger doesn't motivate me to just get it done...it just produces this cycle of unhappiness.

But Jonathan, in his kind heart, said he would bike with me as I ran so I wasn't out alone at dark and wasn't forced to use the tredmill. And that my friends is a huge sacrifice. I run slow. And I mean sloooow. So biking from 11-midnight, at a snails pace, next to a panting, drenched in sweat girl sounds awful to me. But he was more than happy to do it.

Not just that, he provided an hours worth of encouragement that got me to run it faster than I ever could have without him.

What a guy. So selfless he is.

So selfless he agreed to wake up the next morning (after going to bed late because of the run/bike) to drive me 14 miles away from our house so that I could run home. I don't quite have the mental strength to run that far unless I am actually that far from home. So the sweet boy woke up early and drove me all that way.

This marathon training is all coming together because of him.

I would have quit by now i'm just sure of it.

In case I haven't said it enough, THANK YOU JONATHAN!

It's really nice to know you have a support system behind you. It has made all the difference in my life thus far, and becomes all the more evident when you are at the last of your rope, and you want to quit, and you look back and see your sweet husband riding a bike in the pitch black night behind you, just because he loves you.

Not because he wants me to run faster, or be anything different, just because he knows that is exactly where I need him to be.

The best is yet to come

I decided two more things I want to do in my lifetime.

Other than traveling, teaching, family, etc.

1. I want to create a documentary. Not necessarily produce it, but create it with my own research or study, and oversee the production. I really love documentaries, so why not make my own?

2. Live off of food from the farmers market. That requires me to live in a place with a regular farmers market, first of all. But I just love the idea of fresh, organic, practically home grown food. Plus I love walking around farmer's markets. I could do that all day. And just my luck, Jonathan likes them as well!

Just putting them in writing so I don't forget!

And to remind myself that there's no time better than the present to do all these things I want to do!

And quit living like the best is yet to come. 

Give it to me

Got the reviews!

I have quickly learned that I haven't developed a thick skin yet. Maybe I will in the future?

But I doubt it.

I was talking to my favorite professor today. She is the most kind, caring, funny woman and I want to be a professor just like her one day! And she told me that reviews still influence her.

Lovely.

So I am destined to a life where one days happiness rests in the hands of college students.

They were good, I mean, my ratings were right on par, if not slightly above BYU's, sociology's, and this courses usual ratings. So that is nice. It means people thought they learned a lot, I taught clearly, I stuck with the aims of BYU, and I was able to bring in the spirit of the gospel when applicable. There was one person who seemed to disagree with some of those things, but I guess you can't please everyone.

The comment section is where my heart strings get tugged a little harder...

Things I learned:

1. Someone likes my hair
2. They were surprised this was the first class I taught
3. They enjoyed class material
4. Someone believes I don't conduct myself professionally by wearing jeans and t-shirts so it was hard to take me seriously because I was their age
5. I can seem timid and reserved, probably a result of my age
6. I am great at letting people express and develop their own opinions
7. Focus my questions to talk about key concepts

And the overall comment was that they thought I was insightful and didn't think I was better than them.

Things I will do better at as a result:

1. Wear a skirt once a week
2. Make sure every question I ask is worth while
3. Keep guiding discussion so that people can feel comfortable expressing their own opinion
4. Whatever is happening, act confident

All in all, a few were hard to read, but SO much better than they could have been. You can't please everyone, but I at least seemed to appease most people.

A sigh of relief in my head, but my heart keeps making me re-read the negative ones.

How come that is how life is? It's so much easier to internalize the bad, while the good quietly slips by unnoticed?

I Bruise Easily

Today is the day I get my reviews/ratings from my students.

Wish me luck.

And thick skin.

Come Clean

Not Juicing Day 4

Well...today is the day I quit my juicing cleanse.

It's a sad day, and mentally a little tough. I had my mind all geared up for ten days without solid food. But now that i'm "allowing" myself to have it, I don't want it. I think I am just sad that I am not reaching my goal. But i'm coming to terms with it, the goal will still be there when I finish the marathon in September. It's not like the juicer is going anywhere, or the 10 day cleanse is now or never. So it'll be okay. I keep telling myself that.

Jonathan keeps reminding me that most juices out there are three days, so i've practically done what I needed to come clean. I'm not totally convinced.

Anyway, Jonathan and I are having juice for breakfast from now until forever though. They really are a healthy way to start our day so we are keeping up with it.

For future reference, when I do this again here are some things I learned from my 3 day cleanse.

1. Buy actual kale leaves, not in the bag! The bagged ones don't give enough juice. And kale juice is strong, so proceed with caution.
2. Cucumbers give a LOT of juice. But sometimes (most times) I don't like the taste, so also proceed with caution.
3. Don't wear clothes you like while juicing, until you become a professional juicer. The thing splashes sometimes, or you just drop it on yourself...
4. Beware of pinterest, too many good things to eat on there. Surprisingly, I didn't crave any of it, but I saved all the recipes so I could make them later.
5. You have to pee a lot. And I mean A LOT. (sorry, for the info) And don't be alarmed what color it is...(sorry for that too)
6. Ginger is strong so add little bits at a time.
7. Always have extra apples on hand to fix an awful juice, I learned that I alienated myself from the juices too early on. I made myself dread them when I should have been enjoying them! What harm is an extra apple in your day? Absolutely none! Those good juices saved me!
8. It is possible to lose 7 pounds in 3 days. That was unexpected, but of course welcomed. Now we are just keeping up our healthy eating, just in a more solid form...

As for my favorite recipes (more to come as we find them):

1. Ingredients:
3 Large Sweet Potatoes (peeled)
4 Ripe Peaches (pitted)

2 Golden Delicious Apples (cored)
A dash of Cinnamon

(source)

2. Ingredients:

1/2 pineapple

1 cup blueberries

1/2 in ginger

1 1/2 cup spinach

3. Ingredients:

1 medium beetroot, washed and quartered

5 large carrots, washed and peeled

1 medium sweet potato, washed, peeled and quartered

(source)

All of those measurements can vary, we would just eyeball it and add stuff until it was yummy. Each of those made a full glass of juice. I would estimate about 16 oz. So I doubled it for me and Jonathan. EXCEPT for the peach one, that made 3 servings on its own! 

Also, the 1/2 cup of almond milk was really yummy right before bed every night. I would look forward to that all day! You can also make it from scratch which probably sounds fun to people who like that kind of thing. 

Picking a juicer?

I just looked up about every blog about juicing, people seemed to have every kind of juicer out there. So I turned to what I felt was the most reliable source and went with that. It was the juicer used in Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. It is a Breville Fountain one (the cheapest edition for us!). They are such an investment, they are expensive! And the whole juicing thing isn't cheap either, so if you aren't committed, I don't know how worth it it is. The main reason we ran with the Breville one is because it was the brand sold where we had remaining gift cards, so it all worked out perfectly. We like this one, but we have never had another so I can't quite recommend anything. 

Read reviews, and make sure they say it is easy to clean. You'll be cleaning it at least 4 times a day, so ease is great! That reminds me, wash it out right after every one!!! No one wants to scrape off the dried pulp part hours later!

And make sure it is pretty clean. Juicing already creates a mess just from little drips, missing the shoot so you get greens all over, spilling it, just silly things like that. 

Oh! Also make sure the pulp (everything that is not the juice) is really dry to the touch once you juice it. We would put the whole fruit and veggies in, then all the stuff it spits out we'd put it through again to get that last bit of juice out. It was worth it because we could always get more juice out of there! So watch for reviews that say it gives dry pulp, that's what you want!

Expense:

The juicers are anywhere from 60-500 plus dollars. Yikes right? Ours was most definitely on the lower end. 

As for the fruit and veggies, the documentary says to plan on spending 15-30 dollars a day when you're on a juice cleanse! (the variation depending on if you buy organic or not). So from now on, for our morning ones we are planning on buying whatever fruit and veggies are on sale and making it up from there. We are beginning to learn what we like and don't like, so that is helping. 

To start, I picked a website and made a grocery list according to the things we'd need for three days for each of us. It was about 70 dollars. Practically all of our usual grocery budget for 2 weeks...

This was a good idea because we had everything on hand and it was quick to make them.

This was a bad idea because I must not have picked a good website, or our taste buds aren't accustomed to dirt. Some of those things were gross! So we have a lot of veggies we aren't total fans of, but now stuck using them. So maybe I would recommend buying small groups at first, figure out what you like, then buy more bulk later.

Also, having just done three days, I think I would recommend that as a good start. I know that physically I could have finished the ten days. But I know that once I start the 10 days for real, I will be more ready, I understand how to juice, I know what I like, and I know I can survive it. Those things would have been nice going into this one. 

I think that's about it. I feel like I am in limbo between the land of juice, and reality. I know I can eat whatever I want, but I also feel like I need to be extra healthy to make up for the fact that I am not juicing. I usually eat pretty good but now I just don't know what to eat. What a mess i've created in my own head! 

This is one time when reading too many things on the internet is becoming my downfall...I need to learn how to listen to my own body, opposed to all the "experts" out there.

At least we made it this far

Juicing Day 3

What a day! I woke up from an awful dream about everything in my life going wrong. Let's just say I was excited to wake up. Then I got to live my dream in real life.

Just one of those days when everything seems to go wrong.

Not sure if I can attribute that to the fact that i've only had juice for 3 days, but i'm choosing to do so.

The cut finger while coring my apple
The juice I poured all over myself, not once, but twice
The endless papers I had to grade
And the all around spacey-ness I experienced today.

I read that people got a little spacey by day three, I didn't believe them. But I do now.

Anyway, some things did go right today.

My breakfast juice of peaches, sweet potato, apples and cinnamon was SO yummy. It was nice that it was not green. And it was nice that it was pure sweetness. I loved it.

And lunch was my favorite green juice by far! It was blueberries, pineapple, spinach, and ginger. The color of the shake was disgusting though. Especially when it was all over my shirt and pants...

But pre dinner/pre run snack was AWFUL! And I mean so awful I chugged half, while plugging my nose, then dumped half of it out. Eww. Gross. It was a lot like the first juice, spinach, kale, chard, lemon, ginger, and cucumber. But the addition of ginger made it sting my throat? I don't know. It was the worst thing ever. Even worse than the 100 year old egg I ate in Thailand....probably.

Here is where the day goes even more south...I really was feeling pretty good! I drank more juice than usual, I was tired but not too bad. But the second I started my 4 mile run I was DEAD. I mean, light headed, legs like weights, getting a little blurred vision. So bad I had to walk for a while. 

No good.

I've already experienced some injury training for this silly marathon, I didn't realize how much more stress I was putting on my body with the juicing.

So this is where my dilemma arose. I felt like I had so many options, and tons of conflicting advice from the internet.

1. Keep up my juice cleanse for the next 10 days like planned

2. Drink juice until dinner, then a dinner of only fruits and veggies

3. Drink juice until dinner, then a dinner of fruits and veggies and a little chicken

4. Drink juice until dinner then a dinner of whatever I want (within good reason)

5. Just juice for breakfast (which is what Jonathan and I want to make as a long term habit)

6. Stop juicing all together

So many options and I don't know what my body needs/wants.

I was pretty frustrated, and still haven't made my final decision.

But I was so light headed when I got home that I knew I needed something with substance. So eggs, beans, and spinach it was.

It felt good. My stomach feels a little weird now. But my pride is hurting more than anything.

A part of me is saying, at least I made it this far. But another part of me is wondering if I just ruined all the work i've done these last 3 days.

I'm not usually one to quit, and I feel like I just did.

Won't be long now, getting strong now

Juicing Day 2

I was surprised how not hungry I was yesterday. We drank just about the minimum amount, plus 1/2 cup of almond milk and I felt totally fine. I even slept pretty well!

Today, day 2, I woke up hungry, but nothing too out of the ordinary.

Jonathan and I made a breakfast of grapefruit, orange, lemon, cucumber and kale which was super citrus-y but not too shabby in my book. We even added a tablespoon of chia seeds just because it is another fad I find interesting...

I tasted grapefruit in my mouth all morning, i've learned there can be worse tastes in my mouth, so I was okay with it.

By lunch I was full on hungry though. Like stomach growling like a ravenous beast kinda hungry. But the problem was solved by our favorite juice so far! Who would have thought too? It just had sweet potatoes, beets, and carrots. It was still really earthy tasting (I decided earthy is a good way to say it tasted like dirt), but it was sweet. We were impressed.  This is on the agenda for dinner too so maybe i'll scrub the veggies a little harder to remove more earth...

Between lunch and dinner snack is an always delicious (delicious used in the LOOSEST sense) juice of kale, cucumber, celery, pear and apple. Either we are doing something wrong, or the apple and pear just aren't cutting it when it comes to sweetening things up. I had higher expectations not going to lie. Jonathan packed it in his bottle to take to work, and mine is sitting in the fridge to be had...this one tastes too much like celery...so I imagine it will be sitting in there for a while.

Anyway, my fear at the moment is exercise...i'm still training for that marathon, which is number one on my health priorities right now (over juicing) so i'm nervous about the week of running I have ahead of me on such little food. If I find myself being more tired then i'm going to switch to the Dr. Oz juice detox method which is juice until dinner, then a dinner of raw and cooked fruits and veggies. Not too much different, but just a little more food and more calories. We'll see though, just some biking today so nothing too crazy happened.

But I am feeling a little tired. And the next term of class started today, about triple the size and half the age. Okay half the age is an exaggeration, but they are probably 90% freshman and all of them were 100% shocked to see me as their teacher. I had a lot of people come up and talk to me about it after, one even said I am a huge inspiration because she wants to get her PhD and teach like I am.

I think i'm beginning to like these freshman :)

All in all, juicing day 2 has been a little better than I thought it would be. I'm tired, but I expected that. And the juices have been better than yesterday. I even just found a yummy sounding one with peaches, apples, and sweet potato with a dash of cinnamon!! I'll let ya know how it goes tomorrow, I'm all for sweet potato since today's successful lunch. But i'm feeling good, proud of myself for doing this and sticking to it! Can't believe it is Jonathan's last day on the cleanse tomorrow!

Day 3 is the one I dread most...I hear it is a hard one to get through. Here's to hoping!!

Drink with Me

Juicing Day 1

Well...not gonna lie. I don't think we are the biggest fans of juicing.

We had the highest hopes, expecting tropical delights every time we took a drink of that spinach/kale/cucumber/beet/ etc. juice. I don't know where that misconception came from...

...No blog I read mentioned how nasty the juice is. And how messy they are to make. And how expensive all the fruit and veggies are.

So the health benefits BETTER out weigh all these negatives we've managed to find on day one.

As for hunger, I haven't felt hungry all day which is nice. I'm thinking it's more because I dread the next juice a little bit so I convince myself I'm not hungry. Oh, and probably because it is only day one..

Jonathan keeps saying he wants chips and salsa, I don't blame him.

But we are pushing through.

We made three different juices today. It is recommended you have about 32-64 oz each day depending on your body size I assume. So in total I think we've had about 48 oz. today. I don't think I could put any more in me if I had to.

I've always hated V8 juice, so i'm not sure when I decided that i'd survive these 10 days. But like I said, the documentary managed to suck me in.

We started the morning off with an all vegetable medley of cucumber, spinach, chard, parsley, cilantro, and a little lemon.

YIKES!!!

If I NEVER have that again I will be okay. Jonathan and I were gagging the entire time. I thought we might die. SO gross. It makes me cringe just thinking about it. And we had to keep reliving it through church...tmi?

But I am glad to report that we survived, and the next two drinks got progressively better (and by better I mean, we are on a scale of super gross to manageable).

THANK GOODNESS!

Round two was apple, pear, kale, cucumber and mint. Not too shabby...compared to the DISGUSTING drink from earlier.

And dinner was an oh so filling juice of beets, pineapple, cucumber, and lemon....

Not gonna lie, I think my favorite part of the day is going to be the pre-sleep cup of almond milk. I know it is not juice, but i'm dyin here people! It is day one and I already can't stand the look of the juicer. I glare at it every time I walk by.

Is it too much to ask for banana, fruity, smoothy goodness? I might just start making up my own happy recipes opposed to these killer all veggie ones. Yay for sugar!

And yay for surviving day 1!

Only 9 to go!


**I've gathered recipes from practically everywhere. But for these first three days we are sort of following this website. FYI.